Tuesday, September 13, 2011

september.

napping.

Neil is gone a lot these days.
A few weeks ago, he'd been gone every day anyways because of side work. He was happy to be busy and earning extra money and we figured it would settle back down in a few days.
Then school started back up for him.
His last year. (thank goodness...) Also his most important year. He's got the biggest test and certifications he'll take coming up. Lots and lots of studying to do.
And then, sort of out of nowhere, while we really weren't even thinking about it or looking for it (of course), Neil got called back to work.

It was kind of anti climatic. You'd of thought we'd be jumping up and down, crazy with excitement and gratitude right?
Well... we are grateful... of course we are.
No - I have to say this right. We are VERY happy and grateful.
Neil has been laid off since December of last year. He was laid off three days before Christmas! I remember, we went and returned every present we had purchased already. In all those long shopping lines, while everyone else was taking things out of the store, we were taking things back to the store. We'd just found out we were having a girl, and had purchased a couple small things for her to celebrate. We returned those too. We spent what little money we had left on food and gas, and actually Christmas was very nice. It was when January set in.. that's when we started to feel a bit panicked. Slowly.. from there, we started figuring things out. I was 5 months pregnant.. what else could we do? You just gotta keep trying to get by.

So, when he got that call, I think we both just thought, well a couple things. First of all, it was a feeling of, ok, we'll see how long it lasts this time. We're a little jaded I think. We're a little weary of trusting what it means for Neil to be working!
And then... I know especially for Neil... it was a feeling of how busy he already was. He couldn't NOT do the sidework he had lined up. He has to go to school and study outside of school. And now, he needs to go to work every week day. It's looking like he won't actually get to spend a day at home until after September is over.

I'm not trying to complain. This is a good thing. Work is a great thing, as many of us all know these days.
We're just missing him around here.
He's missing us.
He came home last night, and Ember was already in bed, just drifting off to sleep. His whole face just fell when he saw her. She's started to roll over and he has yet to see her do it.

Not to mention, our nerves are all a bit frayed. Neil and I are a bit more snippy with each other these days. I'm trying to be gentle, but some days I feel so frustrated. A lot of the times, we'll snap at one another, and then five minutes later it's "I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to snap at you...".
Hey, we're human.
I'm just glad we work really hard to communicate to one another. It comes in handy these days.

The money? The money will be nice. Paying all of our bills and buying groceries and being able to keep up with a growing baby will be so nice. Saving some money for the next layoff (because the truth is, he will be laid off again. It could be next month, it could be next year, but it will happen.) would be awesome.

And we'll get through the month, like we got through every month before it. The holidays will be here again, and the days will be shorter. Neil will be home more and maybe the days will be filled with more family time and yeah... what else can you do but hope?

2 comments:

  1. it's definitely a struggle, one a lot of us are going through. I can relate. I hope that you can remember to be kind to one another, because at the end of the day, you will feel better knowing you've supported each other rather than feeling resentment towards things that are out of your control. sending you both strength. xo

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